I ask more and more each day if God really gives us only what we can handle? I also wonder why I was blessed with not only going through such trials as having not only one boyfriend but 2 who has been hospitalized with serous health issues. Leaving me to be by their side and I am not talking a brief stay in the hospital I am talking where you spend hour after hour watching them on a ventilator and as they struggle to understand why. Where I am reassuring them that they will survive this. That this will pass and if were lucky we will have 1 more year together.
So to update you with my last blog. Mick broke his neck in 2 places and cut his ligament in his neck. The Dr says he is just so lucky to walk. Well he had surgery on Saturday and after surgery he did not do so well coming off the ventilator. They had to put it back in and put him in ICU to watch him more close. ON Sunday he got off the ventilator and was doing well and sitting in his chair and was being moved to the floor for recovery. Once there I went home for a couple of days and in the night he pulled his feeding tube out which gave him his medication he needs for his disease. He also had damage done to his throat so he could not swallow anything without it going in his lungs. So Monday he refused to have the tube put back in because he was waiting for me to show up in Boise. After missing 3 doses of his medication he had went code blue which at this time he was brought back but put back on the ventilator. That night I got to Boise and the next morning he was taken off the ventilator when he choked on something and went code blue again and was back on the ventilator. SO the Dr said he wants to put a trech in his throat and he was scheduled for surgery Yesterday at 5pm when the Dr came in at 3pm and said there was no way due to the neck injury and the increase of infection. SO we were told next Wed or Thur he will have surgery to have this done but will have to stay on the ventilator until then. I came home to work for a couple of days and will be back this weekend. This has taken such a big toll on us.
Then I ask where is all my family or friends when I am feeling all alone at night and just need someone to cry to because I am so overwhelmed and just want to hear it's ok to feel the way I do. Tonight I tried calling 3 family members and 3 friends not one person answered the phone. Are we just so wrapped up in our own lives we don't have time to hear whats happening? Or just lend some support? Tonight I am home away from Mick and all I wanted to do is just reach out to talk and let out my frustration and talk to someone sense he can't talk.
I do have to send a special THANK YOU to Dad and Darlene for lending me their spare room while I stay in Boise. I know I don't visit much but I am so stressed with everything when I am there. Thanks for turning on the heat before I get back in at night and feeding me, I appreciate everything you have done to help.
