This may or may not make you mad or sad or happy but what ever it is this is my take on Family!
As you all know for the past 2 months I have been down in Boise 1-2 times a week taking care of Mick and stay at Dad and Darlene's house. In this 2 months I was almost thinking I was learning who they were again......... That was until I read the blog site of Christmastime from Dad. He went on to explain how he spent Christmas and how Janet and her family stopped in. Not one mention I was around of course. Or how about the gift my 4 other siblings bought and if I was apart of it my name was left out. Then lets think of the best 16yrs of his life he has had. How his guilt of all his angry years have made him feel guilty or how he found god again.
So to give my 2 sense about it I spent my Christmas at his house and with Mick. I had Christmas Dinner with them and her family even. I never even opened 1 gift on Christmas. I didn't get any! I did get a gift card from Robbie and family but not until the 30th of December. I guess I need to say Thank You!
Now for the best 16yrs of his life with no guilt and finding god. Let me tell you it has been a great 21 years of my life...... Ya the nightmares of my child hood has never been forgotten and gosh let me think it's been 28 years this year sense the Christmas time nightmare happen when I was hospitalized. Don't get me wrong I am not living in the past for I have put a lot of it away but just staying at his house brought up all the memories of my childhood. I had nightmares and thoughts I never want to come back. I felt like I was in some kind of recovery and dealing with it all until I read the blog site.
SO let me say more........ I have 4 siblings and when people ask I say I don't know any of them. It's funny how you all have drove through La Grande either to visit Judy or Judy go visit you and not one of you could stop and say hello. Do I have the plaque? Ya you stopped once and that lasted 30 minutes to a hour at the most. It really blows me away how close you all are and how you act as if I am someone who lives in a shack with rats running around.
So to let you all know I am struggling after quiting my job. My great paying job! Yes that is my choice of doing and yes I now have a great paying job again and trying to catch up. Not only that Mick ended up in the hospital which cost a lot of money to go to Boise to take care of him. I am behind on rent yes and yes I do what I can. Something I don't do is go on vacation, or buy new clothes, I watch every dime I have. I got a job in Pendelton because I thought Mother was moving there so I got a job so I could be closer but she choose to stay in Texas because MONEY must make her more happy. I think I was told it was because a 10, 000 a year pay cut. Now I travel 50 miles a day one way to work and hope to move over the hill in May. I can say I am happy I changed jobs because the one I was in was not very positive. I LOVE MY JOB! I may just have enough money to drive back and fourth to work but at the end of the day I have a wonderful man who I love (Mick) and I have a job I enjoy having!
My story on talking to the Bishop recently, I sat down with him in his plain clothes at the church and needing some help and guidance. This is what he said: First of all you need to stop having sex with all your boyfriends. All my boyfriends I asked, he said yes you should not without being married. I informed him I don't have a bunch of boyfriends and Mick is it and to tell you the truth I have never done that with him and won't be. He then went on to say he has spoke to all of you and he knows everything about me. Interesting. Then he said I need to pray and that I haven't. OMG are you serous because I do sometimes 10x a day. He then invited me to church and told me what times. Before I left he reminded me to not stop having sex and to get rid of the boyfriends. I can say after that I had never wanted to go back to the church again. I was blown away but also upset and angry over his choice of words. I figured out that he didn't know me and making assumptions that he just assumed. Funny thing is he never told me not to drink again. I guess if he knew me he would know that about me.
SO what makes a family? Is it doing what God has asked you to do and follow it? Is it doing what you want and hopefully you can repent some day. Is it the way we treat each other by excluding one from the family because you can for some reason? Is it how well we raise our kids and who has the better set? Is it what job we have in life and what job our spouse has? Let me tell you when I get up in the morning I thank God I am still alive! I do not look at people with degrees or having good children better then me. I do not look at I am any better then anyone I come in contact with. I know what it is like to loose the love of my life and life is way to short to miss out on the good in people because I was too busy judging others for their faults!
I make the choices I have made because I know I have to answer to them someday........ Yes choose to quit my job, I also choose to take care of Mick in the hospital with not asking for anything in return. I choose to stay at Dads but I was really hoping that it would have built a relationship with him and Darlene. I choose all the paths I took, but never did without praying first about it and asking he help guild me.
I know this has been long but I want to explain something what family is to people I know. Recently on Dec 31, 2009 a couple lost their baby 2 hours after it was born. They knew this was going to happen and in the end they came to me to make some very important decisions because they feel as if I am their Mom because their family lives in another country. They use to work for me at my old job and after I left I still have 30 of the best kids that all call me mom. It's because I do not judge them or treat them different for their choices.
I don't apologize for what I said for I think you should all really ask yourself if you are following what God has asked you to do........... If you all say yes then ask yourself again and pray about it!
You don't have to go to church to have God in your life...........
As for Mick he is doing great at home. He has a long recovery! After all that has happen he is now going blind and counts on me from day to day to help him with everyday things we all take for granted. He came home Dec 31, 09. 2 days short of 2 months in the hospital!
Thanks Darlene for the sweater Janet gave it to me when she picked up Dylan on the 1st.
Thanks Janet for bringing me Dylan and taking him home. George and I appreciate it greatly.
Thanks Judy for helping me buy a car in November. I will pay you back.....
